My blog has always been about beauty and motivation. When I started writing back in 2009 my goal was to create a safe and beautiful online space for women (and not only) of all ages and from all countries. A place where everybody could come and enjoy their stay and why not even learn something along the way - whether it's how to make a deep conditioning mask, or how to stay true to their own unique self.
I'm entering my 7th year of blogging. When I look back I see how much I grew over the years. I'm very happy with the person I am today and I'm very happy and grateful with where the blog has led me to - I got my first real job in the fashion industry thanks to the blog; I met amazing and creative individuals who keep me motivated and on my toes till this day. I met some of you fabulous people and made friends along the way. Thanks to the blog I was a part of so many wonderful events, cool projects, got featured in magazines and got to test amazing products. I was part of a photo-session and a reality TV show and got to see some exclusive premieres (Star Wars: The Force Awakens being one of them). And I'm not bragging. No. I'm just telling you my story, which believe me is not all about the products, the features, and the exposure...
This past year I've noticed that having a blog wasn't enough of a motivator to keep me posting and writing. Instead of feeling pumped up about a beauty feature I started to feel more and more frustrated. Frustrated with how it will turn out, what reach it will have, if it was a "Like"-worthy post, if it was good enough and so on. I started obsessing over the statistics in Google Analytics, the number of my followers and the numbers of likes on my Instagram page. I dreaded sitting down to write because I was constantly torn between writing in Bulgarian, or in English. Things that came to me naturally were a thing of the past. I started losing momentum and could no longer maintain the flow of readers coming from Europe and the USA. I started to compare myself with other bloggers and their work. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to do a "What's in my bag" post but the pictures never turned out good, because I wasn't feeling it. This was not me. Yet, I kept looking for answers to my "blogger problems" in others. And so the frustration grew, turning the blog more into an obligation and turning me into a bitter person. What was just a "blogger thing" quickly turned into a personal issue.
I got caught up in the numbers, I got caught up in the race for likes, I got caught up in what everybody else was doing. I started to experience FoMO... I stopped creating and I started hating. I fell into this black abyss of constant negativism. Having enormous expectations about life and work and being a perfectionist when it came to the blog also didn't help much. I felt like Alice in Wonderland - I kept falling into the hole, waiting to hit the ground. I was desperately trying to grab on to something - a person, a trend, a product... Alas, nothing helped.
I hit the ground hard and head first. The Universe showed me change is an inevitable part of life and must be embraced if you want to grow, otherwise, you will keep falling. My ego is still very shaken with what has happened because it did not go as planned and I was proven wrong. However, I'm happy and relieved things turned out this way. Now I can get back to doing what I love but in a smarter way.
I will not chicken out and leave my blog stranded but I will take on a new path. A grown up path dedicated to beauty, motivation and to my nerdy, awkward-ass-self. I will try and rebuild Miss Vendella. I will strive to turn my passion for beauty, visual arts and motivation into my profession.
I don't want fame. As an artist and a creative type I want recognition and to inspire those around me. I want my work, my blog, my writing to lift you up and motivate you to go out and do something with your life.
It's no lie I want to make a living out of the blog. Judge me if you want, but who here doesn't want to have a career doing what they love? And I know to some of you this text is a bit harsh and weird and maybe even a tad too much. I also know 50% of you don't even care and I'm fine with that. I'm writing this because I need to get all of this out of my system.
Before I hit "publish" and sign off I want to share with you some tips and advice that helped me along the way. I don't know who you are, what struggle you are going through, but I genuinely hope these final thoughts would be helpful.
- Remember that ideas are actually very easy to produce. Execution and doing the work is the hard part. Hail to Casey Neistat for sharing this.
- If you stop along the way, make sure it's just for a little while, just to catch your breath. Don't get distracted with others. Always focus on yourself and those who are closest to you.
- Never compare yourself to others. Comparing will only cause hatred and jealousy. You don't want that kind of negativity in your life. Instead, be happy for people and find inspiration in what they are doing.
- Trust you inner voice, not the insecure "retard voice" but that loving and caring voice that you neglect almost every day.
- You have all the answer within you.
- Perfectionism is the enemy of good. It's an excuse not to get shit done. "My work is not there yet, it's not perfect, it needs more time" are just excuses leading you to a dead end street.
- The path to change is hard and requires both physical and mental strength but you need to be on it in order to grow. However, you are safe because it's only change.
I hope this will motivate you to embrace yourself and embrace life. But remember - the words are only 20% of the work, the other 80% is what you do next. And this goes out to me as well. Also, because I feel like I don't say it often I want to thank all of you fabulous people out there for being here and sticking with me.